At times I feel like a sprinter in a cross country race. Like I kicked too early and have no steam left to cross the finish line. I know it will pass. It always passes. But while in it, the fog is so overwhelming. Can be so paralyzingly that I don’t even feel like myself. There was a time I could hide until it passed but those days are long gone. Now I must keep running until I reach balance again.
I usually have trouble sleeping during these times. Although one could argue the chicken or the egg. If I found sleep more easily would I feel less wacky…
I have always lamented the voices in my head. The hamster on the wheel. I have often begged that rodent to “curl up and shut down already”. It seems maybe I have been sending myself a message. If you ask anyone who has spent time with me over the last couple of weeks they will tell you that the voice of the hamster on my wheel has been Beyoncé. I’m not a huge fan of the leggy diva but “survivor” has been running in the background of my brain for weeks, WEEKS I tell you. If you have seen my lips silently moving it was those words that I was repeating. “I’m a survivor. I’m not gon give up. Not gonna stop. Gonna work harder.” It occurred to me that my annoying hamster had created a mantra for me. Sorry rodent, I’m not a quick learner. I was too busy being annoyed by the song you picked to hear the message.
I am a survivor! I won’t give up!
Now next time pick a song I know all of the words to please. Something a little less marchy. Maybe a sweet little ditty by Propagandhi?E