a wedding and a funeral

so, the two biggest events in a person’s life are their wedding and their funeral.  today i am celebrating both a person’s life and another person’s love.  if you have lived life well the people who love you will share both events with you.  

funerals are for the people that are left.  as mrs. r’s brothers’ took the podium to read passages from the bible, i thought of my siblings.  i’m the eldest, so in my mind, i will go first.  but they say that only the good die young, so we all may just live forever.  still, i pictured my brothers and sister at the podium and what they would say about me.  i tried to picture who would want to come to usher me out of this world and remember my life together.  i have some idea of who i know now that will come and that makes me smile.  what’s in question is what will the picture of my life look like once the painting is complete.  what ever you believe happens to you when you die, you can’t disregard the importance of the job you were meant to do while you were here.  my job has been to love those in my life fully with wild abandon.  to be there to catch them when they fall.  to make them see their power when they have lost sight of it.  it’s not much, but i know it’s what i am here to do.  what’s your job while you’re here?  

tonight, is about my sister, the bird and her beloved.  it’s another opportunity for us to come together as a family and witness the strength of what we are together.  when one of us shines, we see ourselves at our best.  i’m not sure how it is that people find their purpose without a circle like the one that i have around me.  it’s there even when i can’t see them.  it seems unfair, that tonight, we will be looking forward to the life that the bird has yet to make, while M and A are looking back and celebrating a life that was.  but, that’s the balance of things isn’t it?  my heart wouldn’t be breaking for their loss, if i never knew how full life can be.  i’m a hoarder 

( paris is waiting ) .  

i’m always thinking of the other side of the coin. good or bad, it’s just the way my mind works.  today at a funeral, i learned that sometimes if you hold too tightly to things, you can’t really enjoy them.  mrs r learned to let the things go that she loved when they didn’t need her anymore.  this was evident in the way in which she left this world and her body.  when she knew that everything had been done to heal her body, she let go.  i think that was the last gift that she gave her family and i am in awe.   




7 responses to “a wedding and a funeral”

  1. gregj

    Funerals and weddings are the only times I see any family.
    I’m not having a funeral; just burn me and send me to the deep blue sea.

  2. EH Shuba

    hey greg, i don’t want to be buried, but i do want there to be a service. when my maternal grandmother dies, there was a small memorial service for just the family.  i think there were people out there who weren’t given the opportunity to mourn her in a place where that’s what the room was doing. while i agree it is macabre, people need that ceremony to formally say goodbye.

  3. Annie

    I just read this to my family. Thank you for your post and for your gift of writing. It brought us so much peace.

  4. EH Shuba

    oh my dear annie, i am so honored that you see fit to share my thoughts with your family.  thank you for allowing me to be a part of remembering mrs r today.

  5. gregj

    i don’t think there will be anyone to say good bye to me.
    my wife wants the same thing.
    i know that funerals are more for the survivors, but why have one if no one comes?
    bad attitude, i know……forgive me.

  6. Sandy

    Well I think funerals are nice but at my service if I am to be laid out it will have to be in something very nice – fashionable but most important of all since it is my party – I want the guests to leer in close very close right in my face and proclaim…”I hardly knew her – I mean she must have led 3 lives – who knew she was like that” thats what I want.

  7. EH Shuba

    i have no doubt that will be the case

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