After fierce criticism, I have tried to temper my largess. Lately when going into a group of people I tried my darnedest to be demure. I’d think, I’m going to let someone else lead the room. It occurred to me in this experiment that I can not be a corner dweller. And not for the reason you may think. People kind of freak me out. They are so unpredictable. The way I manage this it to control my environment. It’s true I do enjoy making people laugh but that doesn’t compare to my discomfort with public quiet. Don’t get it twisted, I revel in the quiet of my private space. I can embrace a quiet moment with a person well known. It’s just that wide open space filled with bodies. It’s like an elevator. I understand the rules there too. Yet, there is this compulsion. I can’t bear just staring at the light moving over the floor numbers. Even worse, I find it a mountain I must climb when I realize I am not engaging someone in my “audience”. If I’m gonna be the joker I’m going to do it full boar.
So here’s the thing. I get it. Not everyone feels that they can humor my special brand of Tourette’s syndrome. I really don’t blame you. I think if I met me I might feel the same way, but I tried and this is just the way it’s gotta be.
Rest assured, I have come up with a plan. Sometimes in soccer games when the opposing starting line up is being announced, the home team will turn their backs to the pitch. A show of their disapproval. Come to think of it, it’s the same way that one can send that message to a dog. Don’t worry my feelings won’t be hurt. It’ll be our signal that I should tone it down or move on.