Most people have a filter like a door. A nice tight seal with a door stop to prevent any holes in walls. When something inappropriate comes to mind, they close the door and maybe don’t think if it ever again. My filter is developing…..slowly. I’m more of a revolving door. The thought falls into the door and shakes around in there for as long as I can bear. Eventually all thoughts must come out. This is made worse by working with the public and seeing some of the same people everyday. I can only keep stuff to myself for so long. I have developed a practice of moving to where I believe no one can see me and muttering what was better left unsaid to myself. That works sometimes. Like when the lady asked for her coffee black and I muttered “black in the back”…like the back door……yeah not my best work.
There are times when this doesn’t work because I see the person again and I am compelled to share with them my thoughts.
Ex: there is a very sweet fella with lovely dimples that comes in regularly to get two iced coffees. In order to differentiate between the two we push the little buttons in on the one lid. I found myself saying (in my head) “I’m going to push your nipples in on the one that is yours.” See, not appropriate. I know this. I kept that thought to myself…..for a week. At which time I shared. That’s when I learned that he was a bartender and had heard MUCH worse. That we make him smile every time he comes in. I offer a service. A smile service. I am the jester.