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By e on May 11, 2010
i looked at my calendar and realized that i had a date with a pap smear today. trust me i didn’t lay out the party dress and pearls the night before. instead, i nibbled my fingernails to the quick and paced the floor. finally taking 2 tylenol pm (don’t worry not from the recalled batch)to just make my brain stop.
i guess i have to give you the back story….it’s the one time i lament having stirred the pot. i know my gynecologist….socially. our kids have the same birthday and go to the same school. we go to the same gym. this year, we were at a fund raiser together. it was one of those affairs where you go to a “place” for an auction of sorts and then you break up into dinner groups at various peoples homes. i don’t want to give the impression that when i have too much to drink i lose all sense of right and wrong, because that simply isn’t the case. i have a tricky filter that disappears a)if i have one glass of wine b)if i have an audience that is amused by me. so we get to the house of our host and we’re milling. suddenly i find myself with my second glass of wine and a couple of people i barely know who are still amused by me because they haven’t discovered what an asshole i am….yet!
the doctor joins are group. she’s not standing there for 5 minutes before i say, rather loudly, “she’s seen my vagina”. she promptly walks away. i’d like to say that we were having a conversation about girl parts, but i don’t remember. the truth of the matter is, i’m a dick…an inappropriate dick at that.
i wake up the next morning knowing full well what it is that i have to do. i send her and email on facebook, because i’m classy like that. really, if you’ve learned nothing else thus far, it’s that i’m one classy bitch.
i think i said something like…i’d like to apologize for my behavior last night. i’d like to be able to blame it on the alcohol, but the truth of the matter is that i’m just a jerk. she politely accepted my apology.
i hadn’t really talked to her other than to say hi at the gym, so today was going to be the test. all when well. it wasn’t until i got back to my car that it occurred to me that if you are staring at cooch all day, you probably have to have a good sense of humor.