fork you! i don't spoon

so i married a shy man.  what has happened to him since mystifies, but that’s a story for another time.  he kinda took what was offered to him, by his past love affairs as fact.  so when we first got together he was very misinformed.  after the wild passion subsided he always wanted to cuddle. um hi, you know how you cum and then you want to roll over and go to sleep? yeah, me too, so step off.  now, that was purely internal dialogue.  i didn’t want to scare him off.  he was really nice.  i hadn’t done nice before, but suspected that he might shatter if i was too direct.  so after a couple of weeks of being forcibly spooned, i spoke up.  i asked if maybe we could just go to our sides to sleep.  he looked hurt, but went to his corner.  the next day, he exalted at how well he slept. oh yeah, this was the opening i was looking for. 

i said, “you know i’m totally cool if we don’t cuddle after sex.  i kinda would prefer it if we didn’t.” 

him, “huh, ok, yeah, that sounds good.” 

me, “oh great! i’m a purist.  when it’s time to sleep, that’s what i want to do.  so there’s sex time and sleep time. see, two different things.”  

as a result of this watershed moment, our first purchase, after we moved in together was a king size bed.  there’s this bump in the middle. we call it no-man’s-land.  crossing no-man’s-land is only done, by invitation or request.

so fork you i don’t spoon, 

check out my girls who don’t spoon 

ladywunderlust at http://www.ablogo…

and dushie at

18 responses to “fork you! i don't spoon”

  1. KiKi

    Amen, my beautiful motherforking sisters!! Meeeeee either! I’m with ya!

  2. LisaB

    And, you continually amaze me at the depth of your insight and total understanding of key issues such as this. Maybe one day, I will meet a guy like yours who will let me sleep! 😉

  3. Dushie

    The word cuddle is like nails on a chalk board. It will be prohibited from use in our anti spooning society. Great post!
    Love you!

  4. EH Shuba

    welcome to the club oh great kiki

  5. EH Shuba

    i blush! and yes, they are much cuter when we are well rested!

  6. EH Shuba

    eck! who ever started that lie (i suspect it was soap operas) should be shot electrocuted publicly ridiculed .

  7. Mary

    Don’t do spooning here either…have the same bump. I try to push whichever child is in our bed to his side of the bump because it tends to keep them there. Nice, huh?

  8. EH Shuba

    love it!! and mommies need sleep too

  9. JenniferB

    I can’t believe there’s so many other women who feel this way! Totally great. Michael wanted to cuddle too. Uh, no thanks. And when he works 3rd shift….king size bliss – and it’s all mine.

  10. EH Shuba

    did you join our club on FB?  when stubs gets up before me, i move to no-man’s-land and sleep spread eagle in heaven

  11. RockSea

    Dear Mrs. E.H. Shuba

    I am quite shocked by your candor. I mean how can one be set in stone anti spooning? after a lustful evening drifting off to your “side” behind your imaginary “lump” or I imagine a Maginot Line akin to the trenches that dotted France in World War One. No mans land? you conjer up the poetry of Wilfred Owen.

    Spooning well I like to think of it on a case by case basis. My position on spooning – well its positional (wink). There is nothing more satisfying on earth than being entangled in and around the body of my lover. Being held or holding onto someone as if its for dear life that feeling of being exhausted with euphoria in a blissful haze. Flesh salty from sweat, hearts pounding and panting breath whilst we drift off into sleep. The spoon! I think I would give the whole silverware drawer for that. I cannot imagine I would veto anything on a unilateral basis sweets.

    I agree on the concept of cuddling Mz. Dushie – but for different reasons – cuddling is what we do with cats, dogs and kids. I want to be consumed and consume. I want to drift into someone – let my bliss seep into their pores, pollinate their souls. Don’t you agree? I mean who needs a bed for sleeping? and if I do have someone there – well I would rather have someone “there”.

    Oh and JenniferBee – I can’t believe there are so many who feel this way as well.
    Love Roxie

  12. EH Shuba

    dearest roxie,

    love is a battlefield in the immortal words of pat benetar. i like that you echo this sentiment in you allusion to wilfred owen.  i love that you embrace spooning and am blessed that stubby hubs hunk holds my same abhorrence of the practice.  as for those other two crazy ladies…boy that’s a can of worms best left for a whole post rather than a mere response to a comment.
  13. RockSea

    Just remember – The Maginot Line was antiquated almost 20 years after its inception – so maybe as Ronald Reagan proclaimed “tear down that wall Mr. Gorbachev (sp?) ” S.H. Hunk may tear down your “bump”

    Roxie Lennin

  14. EH Shuba

    holy crud i hope not! why ruin a perfectly good thing…plus the bump offers great lumbar support

  15. EH Shuba
    “Ok – sorry I retract directing my post at a male since the three I

    questioned denied being the author. SO I implore that he/she come


    and respond NOW”

    and I will, I promise – I am drafting it as we speak.

    Roxie cannot be a man – she has to be a she – a sister in arms – like

    Beatrice guiding Dante……. packed with Estrogen – and its a good


    for the “boys” as I am woman hear me roar…..

    Roxie Lennin

  16. EH Shuba

    thanks roxie, i know i can count on you to get the female take. i have been told on more that one, occasion, that i should have been a boy.  so maybe between the two of us we can make a perfect woman….who doesn’t cuddle

  17. Roxanne

    “It seems to me that we spend an inordinate amount of time and attention on fixing ourselves when we could really be directing that out to serving others,”

    Eve Ensler – Author Playwrite – Vagina Monologues

  18. EH Shuba

    roxie i relent. you know your vagina better than i know mine…well that’s my story and i’m sticking to it

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge