…he tried to kill me.
we went skiing this weekend. i’m a proficient skier, but i don’t like to be out of control. i know that comes as a big surprise to….none of you. i participated in some risky behavior as a younger person, but i’ve never considered myself a risk taker.
the last time we went skiing with the kids was two years ago. while they were taking their lesson, stubs and i went on the bigger slopes. for me, with my control issue that means a blue square. they had changed a couple of things this year to appeal to the snowboarders. they added jumps on every hill. this meant that in addition to controlling your own body, you had to worry about kids sitting on their bums in the middle of the slope “preparing” for a jump. at one point their were a couple of kids having a ski pole throwing battle in the middle of the slope. it’s about this time that i was affirmed in my knowledge that skiing is 50% confidence 50% skill. if you think you can, you probably can. well i thought i could go down the blue square mountain until i hit a batch of ice. i went down (not the worst part), and was trying to get my ski back on whilst dodging kids who didn’t seem to care that i had soccer playoffs the next day. i tried the blue square one more time. i went down a different way and still wiped out. when i met stubby hubs hunk at the bottom of the hill, i told him i didn’t want to do that one anymore, i wanted to go back to a green hill. he said, “i think if we take this same lift and go to the right instead of the left we can catch the green hill.”
i turned right after getting off the lift and saw trees. a narrow path and nothing but trees. that son of a ball busting relish eater is trying to kill me. that’s when i saw it was a black diamond. a BLACK F*%$ING DIAMOND! and me with out a helmet. stubs went down a head of me. i stood up there just trying to figure out how i was going to get down with out going over the edge. if you don’t know me, i’m built like a fire plug. there is NO WAY that that orange plastic netting is going to save me from going right off the side. i took a deep breath and did my best snow plow…..right into the orange netting. i kinda stopped myself before i hit it full force but bounced off of it and then was going down the hill backwards on my back. i got myself turned around found my ski and thought sod this, i’m taking the other one off and going down on my bum. people were swooping past me on the left and right,i just kept right on butt scooting down the hill.
it wasn’t pretty, but i got myself to a place where i could get skis back on and get down to the bottom.
what did my loving husband yell to me as i am butt scooting?
“well at least we have the life insurance!”
i was shaking too badly to make him pay for it then, but don’t worry, he will.