when the bug was a littler boy he used to say the same thing every time i was running a bath for him. “mommy, make it not too hot not too cold juuuuust right.” when i am with my siblings, that’s how i feel. just right. not out of step, not odd, juuuust right. i realize that the four of us are not the norm. believe me, i know how how lucky i am. all of my best memories have those three faces in them, others too, but they have always been there for the big days in my life.
sometimes out in real life, less now, but it still happens, i feel too hot or too cold. with them i feel just right. they are the oldest and dearest friends that i have. my heart is so full when i have eyes on all of them. i don’t know if it’s because i am the oldest, but they have always felt like they were mine. they are the first loves of my life. they are a huge part of who i am.
this christmas, after all of the requisite visiting had been done, brew, the bird, the buddy and i were in my rumpus room. at one point we were playing soccer. picture 4 “adults” sans shoes, going after the ball as if their lives depended on it. we’d calm ourselves down and remind ourselves that this was supposed to just be a friendly passing of the ball. without fail we’d get ourselves all worked back up to frenzied cut throat pace (the only one we know). i lost a couple of layers of skin on my foot, but it was some of the most fun i’ve had…maybe ever.
after cut throat soccer we sat down and were listening to music. i looked at those 3 beautiful faces. knowing that they were swelling inside just as i was because we all felt the music in the same way. when i hear something so good it makes me want to woop and swear and maybe even shake someone my their arms and scream, “do you feel that…do you?”. i looked at them swaying and realized it’s what i must have looked like. they felt it too.
so yeah, it was juuuust right, and i’m the luckiest for it.E