I’m in the phone book too.

I have finally found my special purpose. When my grandmother met me for the first time she said, “boy is she solid.” Just what every girl wants to be. I am a whole lot of person packed into a pint sized frame. My mother has told me I am built like a brick shit house. I chose to take that as a compliment. After all, not much I can do about it so I might as well revel in it. I have been called sir when being excused from the back do to the girth neck. I have been scouted for powerlifting. I have been the envy of many a spindly legged man.
In a word I am a fireplug.

I never had that body dismorphia. I have always known precisely what I am. Much like Navin R Johnson from The Jerk, I found my special purpose later in life. Just last night in fact. In my soccer game that I was lamenting having to attend (God works in mysterious ways) I was met with a compliment from an opponent. A watershed moment. A dear diary day. She said, and I quote, ” great use of your body. Man that is awesome.” ( I may have thought sauce to myself later…thanks Angie). My response? “Finally a life of being short and stout (yeah that’s right I am the tea pot) has paid off”.

Then she came back to high five me. But because of my exceeding awkwardness it was closer to a bro hug. You know that strange shoulder bumping thing? Made even more strange do to her having a foot on me. I’m pretty sure I put out her knee cap with my shoulder…..but yay, my special purpose.

2 responses to “I’m in the phone book too.”

  1. Tina Futty

    I’ve seen you in a bikini and a big straw hat at the pool…you are HOT. Period.

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