When I was a kid I had lots of earaches. LOTS. The result was a good deal of scar tissue and hearing loss in my right ear. I remember clearly being constantly counseled to stop yelling by my parents. I remember thinking to myself I can’t hear myself when I don’t. Then I got tubes in my ears. Third grade. Mrs Musselman. She learned a lot about my family that year. That was the year the buddy was born. The year my mom had her appendix out. The year my dad had surgery. I didn’t tell her where but we couldn’t have any more babies. She kindly relayed that story at my parent teacher conference. Yeah, I never had a filter. It seems the truth was always the truth. There has never been shame in the truth for me. If I were to say that I understand any better as an adult how some truths should remain silent I would be lying. That part of me never developed. I need people to tell me. That is not to say that I can’t keep a secret. Just that my idea of what is secret may vastly differ from most.
I got off track….as usual.
Shortly after getting the tubes in my ears the earaches stopped. Soon after that I had been retrained to not yell-talk. I couldn’t hear much better but I guess I just got used to it.
Now as an adult I realize that i may have never learned how to speak in a conversational tone. I’m either way too quiet or I forget myself and I talk loud enough that I can hear myself….which turns out is yelling. For my low key husband it’s too much and I am often getting shushed. I handle it as well now as I did as a kid. Which is to say…..not at all well.
When the bug is telling me about his day he tends to get louder as the story goes on. He seldom lets a detail slide when regaling his day. Never one to want to shush I use the same hand signal I have used since he was little. Both hand in front of my face in a straight line starting at my forehead and slowly moving to my chest. The same motion one uses when sliding the volume down. He doesn’t interrupt his story telling just lowers his timber to the same level as my hands.
It occurred to me when remembering my own story that maybe something’s wrong with his hearing….