paris is waiting….but not for me

so, i’m not going to paris .  at least not this spring.  i’ve reconciled this fact… sort of.  or at least i thought i had.  until, last week when my mother sent me their itinerary.  yep, they’re going.  i’m happy for them.  they deserve it.  they work really hard.  

and now for sour grapes.  that’s ok, because french class was the only “f” i ever earned in my entire academic career.  i’m fluent in german and i have test anxiety.  so no matter how hard i studied when i’d come into the exams i would freeze and could only come up with german and english.  i just keep telling myself that i am saving money on the iphone translation app., because some how that calms me in a way that not spending for flight and accommodations can not.  i have a tendency to romanticize things.  at easter  i had decided that this could be a trip where the buddy and i take paris (and europe) by storm.  it’s ok i’ll get over it eventually.  i mean i’m pretty sure they wouldn’t respond that well to me.  i’m so not a touchy feely person.  you know how the french are always double kissing each other? i so couldn’t handle that.  in the words of stubs, “you’re just not a hugger.”  it’s true, i realize that sometimes social circumstances necessitate hugging.  i can hug hello, and goodbye.   if you are sad and need a hug, i can totally do that.  i can hug my kids and stubs all day long.  there are people who don’t know how to express themselves with words and want to show their appreciation by touching me.  uh, please don’t.  i wish i could hack it, but i can’t.  when some one holds me in an extra long hug, (defined as lasting longer than 3 seconds) i start to wiggle.  i know the hugger can sense that i’d like to run for the hills and i really feel badly about that. but i yam what i yam and i ain’t a hugger.  i’m pretty sure you can’t even get into france without a doctor’s note certifying that you are a hugger.  so, unless you get a bottle of wine or a massage at customs, (cause i’m a whore for either) they probably wouldn’t even allow me into the country.  

yeah, ok paris, i’m turning you down first! 




14 responses to “paris is waiting….but not for me”

  1. dushie

    I hate to break the news….Parisienne’s will not hug or kiss us Americans at all cost. According to them we all have cooties. Been there done that.

  2. Dushie

    That’s it, I’m getting a stop watch. I wouldn’t want to over hug my limit.

  3. Donald Draper

    I am so sorry you will not make to France (actually my least favorite country) (I know after all these years of working in advertising you would think I could have gotten some degree of sophistication.

    Sour Grapes?? I don’t see that at all. I mean at least can take a drive to Philly if thats any consolation – have a ber at the Linc (is that what they call it?) I would suggest a Phillies game but someone may vomit on you (by accident of course.

    For the record – I am not buying the whole not touchy feeling thing. I have to imagine you are very touchy feely in spite of what you say – a serial hugger of sorts – I guess.

    I have heard a tale thats circulating around the locker rooms of the above 30 womens soccer league around Lancaster and even into Allentown about someone – sneaking up on unsuspecting players abd “hugging” them. They say “she” is fast and strikes without warning. Its always the ones you least suspect.

  4. EH Shuba

    you i could hug for….5 whole seconds

  5. EH Shuba

    oh i know, i intended to go as a german….of course germans aren’t know for their cuddliness, so that might work in my favor…….

  6. EH Shuba


    you finally see fit too admit that you read me, and it’s this post…i would hug you for as long as it took to make you mine.
    ps betty’s a bitch
  7. Holly B

    I romanticize things all the time myself. I blame Norman Rockwell and that evil hor Martha Stewart for all of my less than picture postcard perfect holiday get togethers. Mostly Martha though. She is the devils minion.

  8. EH Shuba

    amen holly! and except for her halloween decorations i think her stuff is crap!

  9. Ellen Finger

    For me the worst thing is when people insist on putting their arm around my flabby waist and keep it there. I’m so tensed up that I start to have muscle spasms. And there’s a lady at work who every time she sees me, holds my hand and DOESN’T LET GO while she talks to me as we walk down the hall. How do you wiggle your hand out of bear claw without appearing rude??

  10. EH Shuba

    i give you permission to be rude.

  11. Donald Draper

    Betty is a bitch. But she looks damn good attached to me. Part of the perks of my Faustian bargain. And oh what a perk. Excuse Miss Hollywell is here and must take DICtation now……

  12. EH Shuba

    by all means good sir…get back to work

  13. Dushie

    I would suggest a small ball of rubber cement in your palm the next time and I think that should end the hand holding as most people don’t like boogies.

  14. EH Shuba

    oooh good one dushie!

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