You get the news. Though devastating, it is too big to feel…yet. You question if there is a missing link. If a part of you is broken. A day passes. The hamster on the same wheel. You finally find the words to explain as best you can. How you straddle the fond remembrance and the deep guilt.
Then, very kind words from the one who knew and loved you both and the dam is broken. The crushing pain you wondered about arrives. You hear yourself howling. Your rib cage isn’t big enough. Your stomach convulses. He is there to hold you to this place. It works, at first. Then you feel caged. You want to run. You won’t win this race.
It is easy to say make amends while you have the time. Sometimes time is just what it takes. Sometimes there just have to be loose ends. I will do my best to tie them up with those others going through the loss. I will forget the hurt and just remember the joy.
I can’t help but wish that she left knowing I loved her.