you may recall that we are rat lovers in this house. don’t knock it until you try it. they are lovely pets. unlike other rodents, they want to snuggle. if you are lucky and get special rats, they may even give you kisses. unfortunately, rats are also very prone to tumors. for us this meant that a 5 year life span was called into question within the first year of life.
our daisy is the buff color girl. her sister’s name is penelope. daisy developed a tumor on her left side. at first we just thought it was a fat pad and opted to keep an eye on it. but, oh man, did that thing grow, and grow fast. from march until 2 weeks ago it had gone from a pea sized lump to the size of one of those all day jaw breakers. (i decided to use the food method of measurement like the professionals do. i also chose two “foods” that i’m not particularly fond of so as not to ruin them for me for life.) when the “lump” started to grow, we took her to our vet. just to see what it was. the back story on this is that the receptionist at our vet’s office isn’t a fan of rats. like, in a major way. they gross her out. in fact, i believe i was told when i asked long before daisy got sick, dr sue said, “we don’t do rats. i promised.” dr sue agreed to see her though. i thought i was taking her in to put her down in march. dr sue said just watch it. if she is still getting around and eating and drinking and it doesn’t get much bigger, she’ll be fine. except she wasn’t and it didn’t, and she wasn’t just fine.
i took her to dr sue last week and she gave daisy they sleepy time pink juice. and because, while we aren’t big enough freaks to agree to surgery for a rat, we are just big enough freaks to have independent cremation for a rat. they do a really nice job. your pet comes back in a pretty wooden box with a certificate and everything.
so yesterday i get a call from S. the receptionist at dr sue’s office. she says, ” daisy’s back.”
pause pause pause, “she’s what?”
“daisy’s ashes are back, if you want to come pick her up. why, what did you think i meant?”
“OH! i don’t know, i had visions of Pet Cemetery.” you know, a demented looking rat, wielding the crazy eye at me for all eternity. going after my achilles tendon as i try to run away from her.
well, S started laughing. like, cry-laughing. she told me i needed to stop or she was going to pee herself. she then hung up one me and could hear her laughing all the while.
i went in to pick up daisy an hour or so later and dr sue was waiting for me. she starts laughing and say, “girl, you’re so crazy.”
i though it was a perfectly normal response to a strange turn of phrase.
i have been given guarantee that she will never use it again though.
yep, that’s me, changing the world, one awkward nuance at a time.
well what would you do?