re

      so, we all have an internal voice.  some match precisely our external voice.  others are not even from the the same state or century.  in my head i am a southern baptist preacher’s daughter.  my voices match right on…not at all. in actuality i am a northern unitarian dentist’s daughter. but lawd when i do talk to mayself i am a southern woman. it must also be said that my voice is an antebellum southern baptist preacher’s daughter.  an example, i get a phone call or email. a friend asks what i’m doing today and she may hear, “oh i think i’m just going to have a pajama day.” what it sounds like in my head is,”oooh girrl, i’m gonna lay up in bed and drink some tea with jesus.” 

     it’s nothing new, it’s always been this way.  even as a child, if my mother would ask if i wanted bacon for breakfast, my outside self would say no thanks mommy. inside: momma i ain’t gonna dine on NO swine.  it wasn’t until recently that i realized that this wasn’t how most people roll.  i mean sure i have my trans gendered peeps and my darling gay friends .  but that’s more out of the necessity to survive.
i’m pretty sure there is no operation that can make me southern, black, AND dead.  so i just keep her in my head where i guess she belongs. oh but every once in a while she does slip out.  i love the show HAIR.  if you know the show, you’ll recall that there are some songs that you could absolutely get away with singing as and african, be it american or not.  but best not to be sung as a little white girl.  so i was working in a restaurant and they were vacuuming the room as we were setting for service.  i was singing at the top of my voice and no one could hear me because  of the vacuum.  my friend, michelle, a beautiful, tall, strong nubian woman, was setting up another section.
the vacuum stops in time to reveal me singing off about how i’m a color spade a negro a black ni**er, a jungle bunny……and so on.  i look up to see my michelle, my beauteous michelle giving me the devil eye.   ummm, see it’s HAIR.  it’s this great show about how we’re all people and our colors are beautiful and we are all the same on the inside and i just well um…….have you heard of the show?
michelle: “NO”
me: um ok so i have it right here on my walk man.
michelle: “YEAH”
oh and how we laughed. i promised to keep virginia in my head where she belonged. and she promised not to report me to our supervisor.  call it a lesson learned.
shoot i’m not dying for no white man.
thanks,
e

6 responses to “re”

  1. Kate

    I laughed out loud!

  2. Dushie

    A lot of times I talk like a New York truck driver in my head but mostly I sound French.

  3. Jill D

    So does that make you a black woman trapped in a white woman’s body? I have a friend who is the opposite, maybe you could switch. Just for a day.

  4. EH Shuba

    hmm, i guess it does.

  5. EH Shuba

    wee wee

  6. EH Shuba

    thanks kate

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