she's funny but she's crazy

so there’s something you should know before we go any further.  i know, it’s a lot like telling you i’m married or gay when you’ve already fallen in love but….here goes. i have trouble with balance.  what i mean to say is, i have no idea what balance looks like.  i joke that i have two settings, on and off.  sure that sounds normal enough, and for me it is.  what it that means is when i feel out of control i go into this weird apocalyptic hyper drive.  what does that look like?  i buy copious amounts of food. i finish every project i have going.  i do all the laundry AND fold it.  i lay carpet. i put dates on my calendar thus clearing my desk of the mountains of notes to myself.  i catch up on work (yeah i have a job, but i work from home and so nobody yells at me to get on the good foot.) i weed my flower beds to nubs.  I have learned that while i’m in this cycle not to trim trees or shrubs.  that lesson was learned by the constant reminder of a really unhappy looking azalea that once lived  in our front yard and had to finally be sent to the big garden in the sky.  

i quilt! UGH! i have never made a quilt before in my life.  so sure, why wouldn’t i take one on that the entire school (my kids’ not mine) would see.  sure! of course!  if you thought i was courageous, you now know i am just crazy.  with delusions of grandeur .  i always look at things and think, how hard can that be….um really really really hard. 

so, sorry i haven’t been around this week.  there just isn’t enough time to quell the nervous energy and actually interact with people.  just be happy you’re not my kids or stubby hubs hunk.  i guess they’re used to it.  that makes me a little sad. but there isn’t much i can do about it.  these are finely honed coping skills and i don’t think i could change even if someone begged me to.  so please don’t beg me to…ok? thanks.  i can tell you it starts with these thoughts,  

“i know it’s my job to be needed, but why do they need so much?  what happens when they don’t need so much? who will i be? will i be able to find another purpose?  will i recognize myself?”  theses are the questions that rev the engine.  then my body usually takes over and sets into the tasks at hand.  oh and i usually listen to the same record over and over again.  this week it was next to normal.  which, the more i write the less i think i am, but….um….i’m kinda cute…..i hear crazy’s the new hot….no?  well if you say it enough, you’ll make it so.  


i have been thinking about writing, but my brain was going to fast to make the thoughts stick.  

i’ve missed you, but  my house look f-ing awesome, so…there’s that, 


6 responses to “she's funny but she's crazy”

  1. gregj

    i missed you, too, eh. i read this post really really fast as i think i was meant to. now i have to breathe. whew.
    hope you have a nice weekend.

  2. EH Shuba

    thanks so much gene! an yes yes yes very fast. please you have a nice weekend too!

  3. Ron Jawarski

    May I ask who is Carpet? a neighbor

  4. EH Shuba

    he’s my neighbor! gotta pay the mortgage somehow

  5. Annie

    I’ve missed you lady! If you need me for quilting, just call. I can’t quilt (or even sew a button) but I can bring wine.

  6. EH Shuba

    thanks!  oh, you are the sweetest. i should be finishing the demon quilt today. i just have to sew the back on.

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