it’s the season where time seems to go into hyper-drive. it seems like we hit thanksgiving and then i blink and it’s summer again. i’m going to do my best to stop this from happening. if, for no other reason than, this time next year i will be 40. i don’t mind the thought of being 40, it’s just if i don’t get a grip on time now, i’ll be dead before i know it.
here’s a cute story, and by cute i mean a story that my family likes to replay EVERY TIME we are together. i don’t mind. i have broad shoulders, really, i’m kinda built like a man. anyway, i can picture it perfectly. we (my entire family) were sitting around the kitchen table (a huge country kitchen table that had belonged to my great grandmother, Mama). it was close to my 18th birthday. as is my nature, i blurted out, i’m almost 21. oh how they laughed. the bird and buddy were only 10 and 11 at the time, so i’m sure they didn’t get what they were laughing at. what i meant was time had gotten away from me, and before i knew it i would be crossing another milestone in my life. i know, ever the poet…ever laughed at. i absolutely get why they laughed. it’s funny that someone so young should be worried about the passage of time. most 18 year olds think they are going to live forever. i think i would have gladly been that kind of 18 year old, but we can’t help how we are wired. i am wired to obsesses. i’m wired to worry. worry that i haven’t grabbed life by the balls and squeezed until it grimaced. worried that i haven’t been forthcoming enough with those that i love. worried that i have spent too much time in bed. worried that i don’t get enough rest. worried that i could be doing better with my kids. worried that i don’t have enough variety in my diet. worried about what i would grab if my house caught on fire. worried that i’ve thought it was the wrong day of the week…all week long. worry that i’m wrong (i should probably toss that one out as i usually am.). mostly, worried that i missed something.
it seems that there is always one thing i can count on to quiet my inner worry wart. that’s my family. i know on thursday as i sit around the table looking at the faces of the people i love most in this world (and seeing buddy’s face in my mind’s eye) all of those worries will be answered. answered with a question, if you can believe it. how can i not be fine with all of these beautiful, loving faces looking back at me?
the voices are quieted, maybe having been tryptophaned too.
this is what i am truly thankful for.