on the last leg of a recent flight to florida i had the most interesting experience. while still waiting in the airport for my flight, i was standing reading my ipad as it charged in the only plug i could find which was beside the trashcan. there i stood, with my ipad on top of the trashcan that had a mechanical compactor inside. i felt like i was the mayor of gate d21. this trash can was my podium. i look up and find a man who is leaning on the other side of the trashcan. he was sort of non-descript sporty looking fella in his late forties. he was wearing a Hawaiian type shirt and an unfortunate pair of sandals. i’m not a fan of feet and think that men shouldn’t wear sandals because it makes me think of their hairy toes. but enough about me…..
i do my best to not take anyone out with my luggage as i walk down the isle of the plane to my seat. i look up to find that my fellow trashcan occupier is to be my seat mate on this 10 minute flight out of atlanta. we settle in and buckle up. i can see with my keen peripheral vision that he is reading a book about abe lincoln. i take his cue and tuck into my own murder mystery. we reach cruising altitude after an uneventful take off. he gets out his laptop. i see he is editing a power point presentation. what has really captivated my attention is the title. something about urinary disfunction. well now, that’s a far cry from good old abe. he continues to scroll through his presentation and, well, there were some very interesting slides. reflexively i blurt out an, “oh my.” you know, because i am such a demure lady like creature that i am taken aback by what i see. he sees me looking and i say, ” sorry, those photos are just a bit different from the book about abe.” he chuckles and says, “you think those were bad look at this.” he proceeds to flip though a bunch of pictures. i’m sure we are in violation of hipaa some how (i’m such a rule follower). most of the pics are before and afters. it seems that he is a renowned surgeon who specializes in repairing prolapsed uteruses. i tell him i’m doing my kegels right now. he tells me that i should make sure that i do them when i feel a sneeze or cough coming. that really it’s just a matter of time. that gravity is too much for the poor vaginal wall. what with the babies and the wifely duty and now i know the sneezing too the poor thing falls to earth just like the rest of our gravity challenged bits. i asked him how he got into the broken hoohoo business. he said he did his residency in ob/gyn and saw a number of these cases and the shame and embarrassment that went along with the discomfort and incontinence and made them his life’s work. now it’s day surgery. they can take a woman with a prolapsed uterus (google it. pics are gross. do it anyway) and with a tiny incision make her better than new. he is my hero. i now and will forever think of him as dr hairy toes hoo hoo fixer. he also does pro bono work for those in need. what a guy. to think that if you work hard and and are compassionate you can grow up to do jobs that you didn’t even know existed.
do your kegels, don’t smoke, lose those extra couple of pounds, and bend at the knees…you have been warned.
although now i am obsessed with my insides falling out of my middle place……E