1) little else is as amusing as a 65 pound dog tip-toeing past a running vacuum cleaner.
2) I don’t carve pumpkins because I have a healthy fear of knives.
3) never met an English muffin I didn’t want to marry.
4) the advantage of waiting tables in my 40s is I can call people “baby”.
5) I got a mammogram and a massage on the same day. I was touched by a stranger on almost all of my bits.
6) this week I burned my forehead with the flat iron.
7) I’m so awesome, I bought the wrong kind of batteries for our smoke detector…twice.
8) I think my dog has IBS too.
9) I buy nail polish based on the name of the color, not always the color itself.
10) words with friends make the best band names. The latest: dojo sofas.
And one to grow on: