1) i now play the volkswagen game (calling out colors) when i am all alone in the car.
2) even at 5’3″ with full sleeves of tattoos, when i get rear ended i become ma’am, by the fellow who rear ended me…go figure.
3) asking the goose to bathe in her own bathroom will create a total breakdown. where she will scream how disgusting it is over and over again. i think i was able to decipher that it had something to do with being forced to bathe in the same place as his brother. i guess this is why she prefers our bathroom, but it made a pretty good punishment for smarting off to me.
4)don’t back out of the garage before your kid has closed their car door….if you do…estimate cost to fix….$1000 (shhh don’t tell stubs.)
5)they don’t make an “i’m so glad you finally farted” card for moms who have just had a c-section….i know, i looked. this may only make sense for those of us who have had a c-section and remember the relief when you finally got rid of all of that trapped gas after the operation.
6)my kids love it when i’m wrong.
7)in my dreams i am a very important person. last night obama came to my house…i was most worried that he was keeping my kids up past their bed time.
8)i am very cute…i mean, i must be because stubby hubs hunk can’t stay mad at me for too long.
9)if you let a cough go long enough you will be the lucky recipient of walking pneumonia.
10)nothing burns my britches more than hearing that some one has spit on you when you have taken the high road with them. the fact that i will continue to think very rude things about them is the only thing that gets me through.
and one to grow one
it’s not something i learned as much as something i am trying to figure out. how can people not smile back at a person that smiles at them first? i’m walking toward a stranger be it on the street or in the grocery store, and i smile at them. i’m gobsmacked by the amount of people who will look away or look right through me. really?! come one, smile! it doesn’t cost you anything. course if you don’t, please know that i will be thinking very very rude things about you…i MAY even say out loud, “have a nice day to you too.” you have been warned.