you're not the boss of me

    so, i will not be told what to do.  i’d like to be more laid back, but it’s just not in my genetic make-up.  i think i believed that as i got older an more mature (yeah right), i would grow out of it.  not so much so.  so i did what any self serving narcissist would do.  i married a doormat.  just in case he reads this (which he won’t cause he informed me that he sees me every day and knows all this already.  phew.) i will follow that comment by saying he was a really nice, cute, and loving doormat…..or so i thought.

     fast forward 15 years….come to find out he was bossing me around in his head the whole time.  through a series of experimental attempts he realized the world wouldn’t end if he put me in my place……i want my money back….nobody puts f-tard in the corner!
     some of my favorites: he LOVES to tell me where to park.  this extends to driving in general.  he thinks he’s got some super x-ray vision that allows him to see cars coming or sweet parking spots that i, as the driver, some how miss.  that’s a REALLY big blind spot.  the interesting thing is when he’s not in the car i seem to be able to view my surroundings quite well.  now i don’t have the super powers he has, but i think i’ve deduced that they come with a penis.  to be honest, i’m good with “regular” vision and peeing sitting down.
     we have a pretty traditional home life.  i do the shopping and cooking.  feel free to call me queen of the hood…everyone does.  that said he loves to periodically do a refrigerator audit.  some times this just ends in him telling me what’s in there.  sometimes he gets a wild hair and goes about throwing things away.  i’m not sure what moves him to do this.  he can ignore the spots on the bathroom floor where he has “missed” with no problem, but god forbid that we have had spinach in there for more than 3 days.  these things i can just nod to and say yes dear.  what i CAN NOT abide is when he takes things out of the fridge and puts them on the counter as a non-verbal suggestion of what i should make for dinner.  serenity now!
     truth be told i wouldn’t trade him for the world but it has occurred to me recently that i married my mother.  great a woman with a penis, just what i needed.
thanks,
e

8 responses to “you're not the boss of me”

  1. Rusty Chesterbrook

    정말 바보! 만약 당신이 gringle했던 왁스, 당신은 아마 10 분 동안 문제가 너무 폐쇄를 유지했을 거에요!

  2. EH Shuba

    aw rusty!  maybe lukey bob can interpret for me

  3. EH Shuba

    these pipes are clean

  4. abby

    I’m really looking forward to your Valentine’s blog. Love in a nutshell. I just read a quote yesterday (not as poetic as yours)that puts love in a nice, put realistic perspective: “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.” I think this also includes parking lot scans and refrigerator inventory. The scariest thing is that I think it might be an innate characteristic. Living in a house full of testosterone, I’m seeing signs of it everyday.

    On another note, let me know when you are going to shoot your publicity photos for your blog. I have a 5 foot wrench that is screaming to be in your photos.

  5. Rusty Chesterbrook

    Antoine de Saint Exupery – it’s one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite authors. Thanks for reminding me!

  6. EH Shuba

    or from cabin boy….that fancy lad

  7. Brandon

    I can’t believe you just called John “a great woman with a penis.” Nice.

  8. EH Shuba

    really? you can’t?

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge